New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That's how pantless uber rides happen
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
