I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
