BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
