When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
