He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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