i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
