So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
