R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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