omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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