I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have demons in me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
