I just pynch a tree in the face
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
