So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Randomize
