You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
