Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
