god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
