Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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