Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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