This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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