My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
