Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
