you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
