Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
