Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
