I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
