I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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