sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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