i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
