I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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