I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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