I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
