You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
