Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
