I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
