It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
