bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
