she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am available for nakedness
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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