Cold hands, warm shart.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Of course I have a pirate flag
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
