I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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