At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
