Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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