on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
