I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
