Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
