Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
