i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
