I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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