So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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