oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Acid is not a monday night drug
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
