I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
