Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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