just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
