At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
