i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
