You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
