it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
