turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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