went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
