did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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