dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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