He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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