i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
