bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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