her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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