96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
