I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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