kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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