I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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