My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
