My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am naked and annoyed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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