I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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