Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
