I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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