it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
