does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
