I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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