Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
