It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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