your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Pants are for mortals
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
