it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i came on her dog
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
