i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
